Thursday, June 5, 2008

Valentine’s Day – The Reds and The Blues

India is catching on to V-Day in a big way! We get to hear snippets about people violently opposing this “culture” by going on marches, or more prominently, RJs babbling about love on the radio. Not to be outdone, if you are a Vodafone user, you will at least get 5 messages per day that urge you to send your “heartfelt message.” If yours is the “prize-winning message,” it will be displayed on a huge hoarding in the centre of the city! Talk about excesses.


The rage of the day seem to be quick-beauty-fixes that will plump up your lips so that you look more kiss-worthy to your valentine, or quick-Botox treatments that will give you smoother skins, quick-fix weight-loss and trimming solutions, and so on and so forth - all this in the name of something very elusive - beauty. Looking at this craze as a distant observer, one is left with an impression that the beautiful, and the beautiful alone, are lovable!

Are we now looking at a culture obsessed with love – something akin to past cultures that were obsessed with wars? If so, this certainly is a good time to be living!

But, looking deeper under the tumultuous, wind-swept, stormy waves of love on this particular day, I can’t help seeing an ocean of loneliness. As “individuals,” each one of us seems to be looking for that one person who will understand, care, forgive, and accept, and on top of it, also manage to be the handsome/beautiful man/woman of our dreams. Few people seem to be smiling in contentment at just “being.” We search, search, and search. And most of us give up, because that’s what we learn to do. We learn to be afraid of giving too much of ourselves, since we are not sure that the person we give our love to will know its value. Thus, we put a lid on our natural feelings. Alas, loneliness is self-pity behind a mask.

We also realize that the beautiful are worshipped. Whoever heard of a God that was not divinely beautiful to look at? And whoever heard of film stars who are not as divinely beautiful as gods or goddesses? And therein lies the trap! We realize that making ourselves beautiful is “possible” – thanks to the advances in cosmetology! And thus, we learn to hide behind masks, both physically and mentally. In our attempts to be physically beautiful and thus worshipped, we hide our real selves that are so amazingly more beautiful. This is why people strive to make themselves more “presentable.” “Impressing” becomes all-important. People hide behind masks, both physically and mentally. And when we do find someone who seems to be the kind of person we seek, we go all out to impress, own, and possess. Alas, love can not be possessed.

Most of us, being practical, accept our failings, find someone who seems okay (easy to live with perhaps?) and settle down into the institution of marriage. We learn to smother our dreams since dreams don’t come true and “adjust,” and being educated people, we blame ourselves day in and day out for not living our dreams! Sometimes, we also choose to be sensible and try to create love where there was none before. Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail.

And sometimes, something happens to make us see things in a slightly different way and we join the ranks of the few who are smiling in contentment. It might be a very simple thing - maybe a sudden desire to give a box of chocolates to the kids performing acrobatics on the street signals in the hope of getting a 1-rupee coin from you? Or it may be a sudden impulse to buy a nice saree for your grandma or a kurta for your grandpa? Or maybe, you get the sudden insane desire to buy gifts for all your dearest friends and family on your birthday? That’s your real self shining through the cracks in the façade that the world sees. And that is the person your loved ones know and treasure.

Sometimes, we suddenly realize that love comes in all shapes and sizes and myriads of colors - not just red! It comes in the shape of the small puppy huddled at your doorstep. Sometimes it comes in the shape of a delicious treat prepared by your mother as a surprise for you, or a watch from your father when you win a competition. Sometimes it comes in the shape of a small hand-crafted pendant your spouse made especially for you on V-Day. We feel “touched.” Maybe this one word explains the warm feeling of having our real self appreciated? At moments like these, no one wants make-up, Botox, a fancy dress, fancy cards or gifts, or a candle-lit dinner at a fancy restaurant to feel beautiful – and loved!!

By A Geeta